SDWS#1: Eccles and Manchester 300611

 Sentinel House, Eccles

 Eccles Railway Station

Stephensons Square, Mcr

 

Walk of faith

Our Frank

Treat her like a Princess

WORST SEX STORIES 1
I met some guy at a party, and ended up going to his house... Mid-thrust, he started laughing manically and yelled "I am fucking an alien princess! I am fucking an alien princess!" I, far too sober, immediately stopped, and then had to listen to him say, with wide eyes: "your vagina looks like the fridge scene in Ghostbusters." I fell asleep and woke up in the morning to him eating a whole key lime pie in bed. Not even looking over at me, he said: "you can't have any." I walked home. - Janet, Frodsham

Rod Stewarts Penis

East Riding of Yorkshire Council News Release #2

Explain this to an American #5

Seymour decides to revive the idea of buying Ice Cream from a man on a bike.

Lateral

RIP Klub Kiss (as in tear)

Extracts from 'Chelm'

 

* still banned in 15 countries

East Riding of Yorkshire Council News Release #1

Early morning first floor urination

Martin Keown

.....it gets dark

Explain this to an American #4

After being thrown out of the library by Mr. Wainwright, the trio go to the café to find Sid is in trouble with Ivy for not fixing the slates on the roof. Foggy takes charge, attaching a rope to Compo and the other end to Sid's van to pull Compo up. Sid, however, loses control of the van, leaving Compo hanging from the roof.

Class of '97

My GIF to you

Merry Christmas x

TourettesGAH

Explain this to an American #3

Foggy collects his flag, and achieves his dream...for a little while.

Mums gone to Sweden

"Massive tits, scally accent, low self esteem and cock hungry - all the things I look for in a woman - she's my ideal girlfriend. I'm sure my parents would love her too."

Chris Moyles

Christopher David "Chris" Moyles (born 22 February 1974) is a DJ and author.


Moyles was voted one of the Faces for 97 by SKY magazine.


Moyles has been joined on the air from 1998, by his sidekick David "Comedy Dave" Vitty.


Moyles uses team members (they are not actually co-hosts) and audience participation in games and quizzes as other sources of comedy. He is renowned for his sharp manner, quick temper and put-downs.
  


Parody songs


In October 2004, Moyles and the The Chris Moyles Show team replaced U2's "Vertigo" at number one in the UK Official Download Chart with their download-only charity song "Dogz Don't Kill People (Wabbitz Do)", under the name 'Mouldie Lookin' Stain'. The song was a spoof of Goldie Lookin' Chain's "Guns Don't Kill People Rappers Do" (itself a spoof rap song).


In December 2000, he parodied the Eminem song "Stan" that was No.1 in the charts at the time, with a seasonal Christmas themed variation called "Stanta", instead.


Often Moyles will pick a track because of the silliness of its lyrics, for instance "Smile" by Lily Allen was parodied by Moyles's invention "Silly Allen", in a song called "Piles" and Natasha Bedingfield's "I Wanna Have Your Babies" written by Comedy Dave and performed in May 2007. In the same month, he performed a parody of Hellogoodbye's hit "Here (In Your Arms)" called "Beer In My Arms" in which he describes how much he really dislikes the song, calling it 'daft'. Moyles also covered Puretone "Addicted to Bass" with "Addicted to Plaice", which covers the subject of being addicted to fish.


Another two of Moyles' recent parodies are "Lorry Driver" which is a cover of Britney Spears' song "Womanizer" and "The Boy Does Plenty" by "Adrian Dixon", originally a song by Alesha Dixon, both of which are written by 'Comedy Dave' Vitty.

 

Television presenter 

 

Moyles has branched out his work into television. In 2002, his own Five show, Live With Chris Moyles, ran five shows a week for 13 weeks. Chris was replaced by Christian O'Connell, before the programme was shelved altogether.

 

He and sidekick Dave Vitty (more commonly known as Comedy Dave) had their own TV show, also entitled The Chris Moyles Show like their current Radio 1 show, which was aired from 1998–99 on the now-defunct UK satellite and cable channel UK Play.


Moyles played himself in an episode of the drama Hotel Babylon which aired on 15 February 2007 and appeared on a celebrity version of Dale's Supermarket Sweep that broadcast on the same day.
  
Autobiography


Moyles' autobiography, The Gospel according to Chris Moyles: The Story of One Man and His Mouth was released by Ebury Press on 5 October 2006.


On 4 October 2007 a follow-up book Chris Moyles: The Difficult Second Book, published by Ebury Press, was officially released. The Difficult Second Book filled in the year gap since the release of his first Autobiography containing stories (or vignettes) about a pie shop in Filey, buying some chips in Arnside and an opinion piece about prostituion. Chris would later write a song about the word vignette called 'Vinegarette'.


Miscellaneous


In 2007 the rugby league team Featherstone Rovers named their ground after him. Traditionally known as Post Office Road, it was renamed via a sponsorship deal as the Chris Moyles Stadium.
  
Controversies


Moyles has come into conflict with the Broadcasting Standards Commission and Ofcom. These have occurred during his time at both Capital FM and Radio 1. For example, these regulatory bodies upheld complaints when Moyles threatened Dr Fox in October 2002 with the claim that "I'm gonna tear his head off and poo down his neck"; and also in early 2002, when he said "he would take the virginity of Charlotte Church", when she reached sixteen.


When first arrived at Radio 1, John Peel took a dislike to Moyles and accused him of being a "DLT-in-waiting". Moyles retorted that Peel was a "Kenny Everett-in-waiting, because Kenny Everett’s dead and it’s only a matter of time before John pops his clogs". Following this outbusrt Chris gave £4,209 to charities.


Accusations of sexism


In February 2006, Moyles apologised, along with the BBC, after swearing when speaking to a caller live on air. He made the outburst while teasing a mother-of-three from Newcastle during an on-air feature which her children had interrupted. "You've got three kids from some fuckin'..." he blurted out, before apologising profusely for his mistake.


The BBC issued sixteen apologies (three in Welsh), adding that such mistakes could occur during live broadcasts such as Moyles' show. The BBC was later cleared by broadcasting regulator Ofcom over the incident.
  
Pay controversies


Alongside a number of other Radio 1 and Radio 2 DJs, Moyles crossed a strike picketline in 2005. BBC staff were striking over recently announced job cuts. A report by the BBC Trust on 2 June 2008 revealed that Moyles was paid £630,000 in 2007.  


Accusations of homophobia


Moyles was accused of homophobia in May 2006, when he rejected a ringtone by saying "I don't want that one, it's gay", live on air. This led to a number of complaints to the BBC. They argued that the use of the word gay in this context was homophobic. The BBC governors said that Moyles was simply keeping up with developments in English usage.


Developments in English


Moyles frequently keeps up with developments in English useage sometimes trying to aid development of it himself. Since 1998 he's been using the word 'comedy', if used in conjunction with a mans name, to mean pan-faced. If used with a womans name it means BITCH.

  

N-Dubz controversy

On 12 January 2010, hip-hop trio N-Dubz appeared on the Chris Moyles Show on BBC Radio 1. The show received a text message from a female listener saying that band member Dappy was "vile" and "a little boy with a silly hat" and that N-Dubz were "losers". Dappy secretly copied her phone number from the studio console and sent abusive and threatening text messages to the woman the following day including telling her she was "gonna die!".


Moyles said of the resulting criticism: "I feel let down by him, I've supported them and said, 'Do you know what, N-Dubz aren't just a bunch of dippy chavs, they're really good.' So for him to go and do something like that is a bit rubbish."

Staff Meeting

Norvelle-riche

Explain this to an American #2

Foggy decides to start his Christmas shopping early, but is surprised that the shops aren't selling Christmas cards in the summer. He then takes up an offer of buying some Christmas trees.

A massive influence on Trafford

Before the pan

 A Yorkshireman

Gemma, idyllic

 

 Dangerous fun

 

Nature and size

 

Captured, captured, captured

 

Beware the bay

Silverdale basks

 

A happy man

3 spacks in a bag

Dusk

 

Time in physical form

 

A rave in a cave

 

Barry Cryer enjoys a cigarette

 

A not so brief encounter

 

Anon

When Buses Attack

Wise Owl heavyweight DJ

http://www.patobanton.com/

TV Pitch #14

TVP#14

Synopsis
Cool guy, not cool guy and slag live in flat (London, not Camden though). Cool guy suffers from extreme anxiety and can't leave that flat. LOL's revolve around his ever increasing madness, not cool guys uncoolness and slags promiscuity. Actor playing cool guy should leave after second series to fail to crack Hollywood.

Saftey in knowledge

After years of shooting glances at knives and mistrusting forks I find to my horror that the humble spoon is not to be fucked with.

IS NOTHING SACRED!?
IS NOTHING SCARED!?
IS NOTHING SARCED!?