++==

Keith is back!

2012-02-12T10:14:00.001-08:00

Sustainable

2012-02-10T09:42:00.001-08:00

Duck/Mask

2012-02-10T07:12:00.001-08:00

Yo! Hardest Rhyme Eva!!1

2012-02-10T07:07:00.001-08:00

This weeks top 10: LADZLADZLADZ

2011-11-27T08:32:00.000-08:00

This weeks top ten features my favorite Ladz Night Out pics. So cover yourself in piss, load up on self loathing and lets talk a walk down lack of memory lane.

10.

Originally taken in the 70s, these Ladz have been sat in this exact position for 34 years. Even more impressive when you take into account the pub has shut, been knocked down and built on.

Ah! The shots are out already! The redundant ties move this class snap up from 14.

Second from right - Actual face.

Our first gay one! If this was released last year it wouldn't have been allowed in the chart due to the Stella/Kronenberg mix.

An independently funded pic. One of the reasons we're supporting it so much. Rough around the edges but spectacular thumb work makes you look forward to their follow up.

Debatable picture time. Ladz or not Ladz. YOU DECIDE.

These post-op transsexuals are chancing their arm but look at the structure! Even REAL ladz would struggle to keep this up.

I still would though. Amirite?!

Last weeks number one has caused uproar due to the pointing man. It's now been banned in 239 countries. 50 odd more than actually exist.

Impressive.

These lads share one bottle every night they go out. But they still managed to get proper mangled.

REALLY PISSED. PROPA WAZZED. FUKING BOZZED. MUNGLED. LEZZED PIZHERd.

l-r: Bryan, Ryan, Brian, Rian

Great stuff here! Celebratory stupid t-shirts ahoy. This picture was taken in Leeds last Friday but was flown in by pure helicopter to chart at 3. This is these boys first top ten hit.

NOTE - They've now split up

Yes. It's still here. Winner of 2009's 'Best Subtext' award it's the Ladz in the Hot Tub. It feels a waste to write any more words on this picture.

You can't win anything with kids eh? Eat your words Alan Hansen. Have a look! So effortless, so fresh! These boys could be the new Alan and Ken Arnold. Now THAT would be something.

And that wraps up today's top ten.

I sincerely never hope to see you again.

About Me

2011-11-27T07:08:00.000-08:00

“I was so pleased by the response to my last letter that I decided to write another one. Don't worry; I have plenty of new stuff to say about Rev. Matt Leonard and his helots. You see, I indeed believe that Matt has been snuggling up to incontinent simpletons for quite some time. And because of that belief, I'm going to throw politeness and inoffensiveness to the winds. In this letter, I'm going to be as rude and crude as I know how, to reinforce the point that Matt has a strategy. His strategy is to cause an increase in disease, ethnocentrism, crime, and vice. Wherever you encounter that strategy, you are dealing with Matt. The poisonous wine of communism had been distilled long before he entered the scene. Matt is merely the agent decanting the poisonous fluid from its bottle into the jug that is world humanity.

A person who wants to get ahead should try to understand the long-range consequences of his/her actions. Matt has never had that faculty. He always does what he wants to do at the moment and figures he'll be able to lie himself out of any problems that arise. He keeps saying that a plausible excuse is a satisfactory substitute for performance. For some reason, Matt's legatees actually believe this nonsense. If someone were to prevent people from thinking and visualizing beyond an increasingly psychologically caged existence, I'd rather it be an army of the most antisocial swaggerers you'll ever see than Matt because the latter is fork-tongued, while the former are only raving. I have not forgotten that it is widely known and beyond dispute that he always tries to rationalize his crusades with compelling gobbledegook about some "greater good". I have not forgotten that he should focus more on the quality of his writing than on the amount of drivel he can squeeze in. And I cannot forget that he insists that he can succeed without trying. This is a rather strong notion from someone who knows so little about the subject.

If Matt can overawe and befuddle a sufficient number of prominent individuals then it will become virtually impossible for anyone to encourage opportunity, responsibility, and community. So long as the devastating inequities that characterize our society persist, his forces will be unable to deny that Matt's arguments are so full of holes that one cannot help but think that Matt rather grandiloquently refers to me and everyone else he dislikes as an intrusive, recalcitrant hatemonger. And here, I think, lies a clue to the intellectual vacuum so gapingly apparent in Matt's histrionics. Since most people oppose his cacodemonic, demented campaigns, Matt has had to champion censorship in the name of free speech, intolerance in the name of tolerance, and oppression in the name of freedom using every tendentious means imaginable. This is well illustrated in what remains one of the most divisive issues of our day: charlatanism. I am aware that many people may object to the severity of my language. But is there no cause for severity? Naturally, I maintain that there is because I am convinced that there will be a strong effort on his part to slow scientific progress sooner or later. This effort will be disguised, of course. It will be cloaked in deceit, as such efforts always are. That's why I'm informing you that if you think that this is humorous or exaggerated, you're wrong.

Matt's shock troops often reverse the normal process of interpretation. That is, they value the unsaid over the said, the obscure over the clear. It doesn't take a genius to figure out that Matt has never disproved anything I've ever written. He does, however, often try to discredit me by means of flagrant misquotations, by attributing to me views that I've never expressed. In the end, Matt claims to be supportive of my plan to work together in an atmosphere of friendship and hope. Don't trust him, though; he's a wolf in sheep's clothing. Before you know it, he'll glorify the things that everyone else execrates. Not only that, but Matt insists that he is a spokesman for God. In the long run, however, he's only fooling himself. Matt would be better off if he just admitted to himself that he thinks I'm trying to say that if Matt kicks us in the teeth we'll then lick his toes and beg for another kick. Wait! I just heard something. Oh, never mind; it's just the sound of the point zooming way over Matt's head.

Matt has shown no compunction in committing character assassinations or engaging in full-scale vendettas. That's self-evident, and even Matt would probably agree with me on that. Even so, he maliciously defames and damagingly misrepresents everyone and everything around him. There's a word for that: libel.

I apologize if what I'm saying sounds painfully obvious, painfully self-evident. However, it is so extremely important that I must clearly say it. Frankly, if Matt would abandon his name-calling and false dichotomies it would be much easier for me to push the envelope on our knowledge of the world around us. Perhaps he has never had to take a stand and fight for something as critical as our right to make this world a kinder, gentler place. But his perspective is that "the truth", "the whole truth", and "nothing but the truth" are three different things. My perspective, in contrast, is that I strive to be consistent in my arguments. I can't say that I'm 100% true to this, but Matt's frequent vacillating leads me to believe that his hypocrisy is transparent. Even the least discerning among us can see right through it.

Today, we might have let Matt pull the levers of antipluralism and oil the gears of teetotalism. Tomorrow, we won't. Instead, we will shed the light of truth on the evil that is Matt.

Matt is the picture of the insane person on the street, babbling to a tree, a wall, or a cloud, which cannot and does not respond to his ideas. But don't despair. Rather, take comfort in the knowledge that he labels everything that conflicts with his established way of thinking as froward propaganda. Let me express that same thought in slightly different terms: Matt presents one face to the public, a face that tells people what they want to hear. Then, in private, he devises new schemes to make a big deal out of nothing.

Matt and his advocates are, by nature, shallow, vulgar monomaniacs. Not only can that nature not be changed by window-dressing or persiflage, but ever since Matt decided to pursue a puerile, hate-filled agenda under the guise of false concern for the environment, poverty, civil rights, or whatever, his consistent, unvarying line has been that he possesses infinite wisdom. I, hardheaded cynic that I am, recommend paying close attention to the praxeological method developed by the economist Ludwig von Mises and using it as a technique to delegitimize Matt. The praxeological method is useful in this context because it employs praxeology, the general science of human action, to explain why it's a pity that two thousand years after Christ, the voices of superstitious, mudslinging ragamuffins like Matt can still be heard, worse still that they're listened to, and worst of all that anyone believes them.

Matt, as usual, you prove yourself to be morally repugnant. I cannot promise not to be angry at him. I do promise, however, to try to keep my anger under control, to keep it from leading me -- as it leads Matt -- to replace our natural soul with an artificial one. For a variety of reasons, some strategic, some ideological, some attitudinal, and all of them wrong, effete politicos drag men out of their beds in the dead of night and castrate them. Snippy and self-indulgent, his suggestions resemble a dilapidated shed. Kick in the door and the whole rotten structure will collapse, proving my claim that Matt's spin doctors have tried repeatedly to assure me that Matt will eventually tire of his plan to seek vengeance on those unrepentant souls who persist in challenging his memoranda and will then step aside and let us put to rest bleeding-heart and resentful threats such as Matt's. When that will happen is unclear -- probably sometime between "don't hold your breath" and "beware of flying pigs". The only way out of Rev. Matt Leonard's rat maze is to shatter the adage that the few of us who complain regularly about his platitudes are simply spoiling the party. It's that simple.”

Tuesday November 22nd 2011

2011-11-24T11:48:00.000-08:00

The DOA Videos

2011-11-24T11:31:00.000-08:00

Hoff

2011-11-24T11:23:00.000-08:00

Bread Shop

2011-11-15T03:34:00.001-08:00

East Riding of Yorkshire Council News Release #7

2011-11-15T03:33:00.000-08:00

Newbrook Road closure – October overview

2011-10-31T06:16:00.000-07:00

Hi. It’s been just over a month since my last confession. “Why? Has it been quiet?”, I can imagine you chunnering to yourself.

Well no. It’s just been dangerous.

After the initial fighting the road closure caused, an uneasy peace has blossomed. 100 names have been chalked off the death toll. These people did die but it was to do with buses and not the road. However there’s still an undercurrent of shame and violence that can only be described as 'palpable'.

I decided to paint a picture to convey this feeling (see below).

Anyway, instead of posting update after update I felt it’d be better to keep a running diary with pics (when I could). Here it is.

MONDAY OCTOBER 3rd: Returned to Atherton from Urmston to find Newbrook Road was in the process of being taken away. Apparently it was going to be shipped to the States  to form the road that leads up to London  Bridge. A car was damaged.

SATURDAY OCTOBER 7th: A milk bottle gets knocked over loudly at 3am. A mass brawl ensues.

MONDAY OCTOBER 9th: It’s announced Gordon Burns and a special guest are to open the footbridge. Betting on the guests identity is takeing place openly near the Lotus chippy.

WEDNESDAY OCTOBER 11th: Excitement builds over the footbridge opening.

FRIDAY OCTOBER 14th: The Footbridge is officially opened by Gordon Burns and Gillian Anderson! 23 people turn up to cross! See picture and short video below!!1

FRIDAY OCTOBER 21st: Three MASSIVE bangs in the early hours signal the start of the bridge demolition. One man thinks the sounds are premature fireworks and calls the Police.

SATURDAY OCTOBER 22nd: Trains stop running. A little bit more fighting.

MONDAY OCTOBER 24th: MASSIVE cranes take the 130+ year old bridge away.

Picture updates below.

Shadows of London (20th/21st Oct 2011)

2011-10-31T05:51:00.000-07:00

Goodbye the Caberet Deleux

2011-10-24T13:13:00.000-07:00

Goobye to Traffords best and very good music venue. Harry has sent me over a collection of posters to "bring back the memories".

Good times.

Minutes Of History - "The Grapes Of Wrath"

2011-10-16T09:16:00.000-07:00

Carl Haynes 'World Of Laughter' : 2 Crusty Rolls

2011-10-09T09:04:00.001-07:00

Old Man Belms

2011-09-30T04:16:00.001-07:00

Manchester Basks

2011-09-30T03:55:00.000-07:00

Newbrook Road closure - day 18

2011-09-29T10:58:00.001-07:00

The tapping of my keyboard has been stirring up trouble on the streets. A man threw a brick at me the other day after he thought I wrote 'The bridge closure has been really funny' just from the sound of the clicking keys. The brick missed. So, in light of this, this weeks update is a video. Much safer.

DAY 19 UPDATE: Txt "How to crash into a lamp post. Drive a green Vectra up a closed road followed by turning the wrong way down a one way street. He's totally overreacted too. Called an Ambulance and the Police. He walked himself to stretcher and laid down. Gay."

Call it a Constable or call a Policeman

2011-09-29T04:21:00.000-07:00

Explain this to an American #9

2011-09-29T04:07:00.000-07:00

Just as PCs Cooper and Walsh master the art of fighting crime from the rear, Barry spoils it all by taking a retired vicar out for the day.

Half Price T-Shirts For Free

2011-09-29T03:48:00.000-07:00

One size fits all

XLSM/SM/MED/SPAIN/X/XL/VIN DIESEL/TENT

£Free (£26p&p)

No delivery

Come and get them in your car

I live in Leeds

East Riding of Yorkshire Council News Release #6

2011-09-22T08:51:00.000-07:00

Newbrook Road closure - day 11

2011-09-22T08:29:00.000-07:00

After yesterdays 2000 strong march in protest of the shade of grey used on the Marlborough Road emergency swing gate, you would have thought things would have calmed down. Returning home from Westminster battered and bruised from the obvious Police brutality residents of Newbrook Road bedded down for a night of heavy snooze.

7am, the sun peels back the night clouds and casts its orange glow on a newly dug hole at the bottom of your driveway. Cars still on drives.

"Who digs a hole a the bottom of a drive when the cars are still up it?"

"My Gaffer"

"Can I speak to your Gaffer?"

"No"

"Why?"

"He's down the road"

"I'll go and find him"

"No.....no, don't. I'll pass on a message"

"Your the Gaffer aren't you"

"No, no I'm not. That's silly"

-walks away quickly-

This was Tuesday. Hilariously the letter informing about the hole digging arrived today. This has caused more fighting. The death toll has now risen to seven.

In other news the Government has sent everyone affected by the bridge closure a .GIF to show how seriously they're taking the situation and serve as a warning.

BACK TO THE STUDIO

Travelogue 3 - via Twitter: URM > BOL (22 bus)

2011-09-22T03:14:00.000-07:00

He is Joey Barton

2011-09-20T08:51:00.000-07:00

Shearer said he made a mistake putting Barton back into the team, and that his tackle was "a coward's tackle", to which Barton replied that he was "the best player at the club", and Shearer had to play him. Shearer said that Barton wasn't, that he was "shit". Barton replied that Shearer was "a shit manager with shit tactics". When Dowie intervened, Barton called him "a prick".

John Fashanu misses from a yard out

2011-09-19T14:02:00.001-07:00

Audioshit: Sept 2011

2011-09-18T10:22:00.000-07:00

Latest tracks by plusplusequalsequals

Tracklist
01 audioshit
02 bored - black dynamite
03 pornalation
04 punch - colourbox
05 building a chicken coup
06 sugar babe, your papa cares for you - harry taussig
07 pil
08 the embarrassment - i'm a don juan
09 scream for me ++==
10 the williams fairey brass band - voodoo ray
11 essex
12 saint etienne - girl vii

Explain this to an American #8

2011-09-18T06:17:00.001-07:00

Sid is installing a doorbell in the cafe, and the trio decide to help him.

Travelogue 2 - via Twitter: URM > BOL (22 bus)

2011-09-14T03:35:00.000-07:00

A Month In Five Seconds

2011-09-13T07:35:00.001-07:00

Newbrook Road closure - day 2

2011-09-13T05:20:00.000-07:00

The Latest: Newbrook Road (A579) enters its second day of being shut yet the horror and the violence has yet to abate. As this reporter offed to the shop to buy lunch, I walked past grown men crying in the street and young children acting disenfranchised, walking into betting shops, smoking cigarettes and working in unsatisfying jobs. Earlier today an unidentified Irish woman (UIW) exploded in anguish at the thought of having to use a footbridge.

People on the estate were given no warning about the closure of Marlborough Road. Most have now gone more than 52 hours without food. No-one has yet reminded them there's two roads onto the estate.

The councils northern turning circle left a lot to be desired. Although the removal of all the curbing round the corner means it can be entered into the hat for the Alan Turing Turning Circle Of The Year award which is this year held in the lovely city of Turin
.

Vandalism!

Panoramarama

Temporary bus teminus. The man waiting for the bus let out a volly of bile as I walked past.

Backstory: “AN EXTRA 10,000 vehicles a day will soon be pouring into a busy Westhoughton road, bringing traffic chaos to the town.

And residents have been warned the problems the extra traffic will bring could last for several months as roadworks get under way in neighbouring Atherton.

Bolton Road in Atherton will be closed for around 12 weeks from Monday, September 12, while the crumbling railway bridge is replaced.

The road is the main route into Bolton from Leigh and Atherton, via Newbrook Road, which figures show is used by around 20,000 drivers every day.

Once the works begin and the road is closed, many of those vehicles will be diverted through Westhoughton, either down Platt Lane or Leigh Road, both of which feed into Park Road, which is already congested at peak times.

Councillor David Wilkinson said there could potentially be up to 10,000 extra cars using Park Road every day as drivers battle to get into Bolton.

He said: “The cars will back up into Westhoughton and stretch back towards Hart Common and Atherton and in the evenings it’s going to be worse because a lot of traffic will collide with the motorway traffic.

“It’s going to have a huge impact on Westhoughton, there are no ifs and buts, all that traffic is going to come this way. I don’t know any other way around it, other than Cleggs Lane, Little Hulton, but that’s a long way around.

For every one car on Platt Lane trying to get on to Park Road there are 10 on Park Road so it will be a massive struggle getting out.”

According to traffic count surveys carried out in 2005 to 2006, around 22,000 vehicles use Park Road every day.

Sandra Williams, who lives on Green   Common Lane, off Platt Lane, believes the extra cars will pose a danger at the junction with Park   Road.

She said: “Another thing that exacerbates the problem is the new test centre at Gibfield Park Avenue because we’re now getting a lot of leaner drivers going down Platt Lane and trying to get out of the junction at Park Road.

“There will be a lot of cars trying to get out on to Park Road and there may be people taking extra risks to get out at a difficult time when people are going out shopping for Christmas.”

Wigan Council, which has warned of disruption but said it is aiming to manage the problem as best it can, expects the works will be completed by mid-December.”

West Belm

2011-09-12T10:34:00.000-07:00

Not doctored and in good taste

The Disabled Man and the Lift

2011-09-07T08:29:00.000-07:00

Thanks to factofthedaytoday.co.uk for this. I think.

Travelogue 1 - via Twitter: BOL > URM (22 bus)

2011-09-05T03:12:00.000-07:00

v/a - What The Fuck Is Going On?

2011-09-04T08:37:00.000-07:00

++== records have painfully (surely you mean painstakingly? – no) put together a classic collection of this! Entitled ‘What The Fuck Is Going On?’ for the first time artists such a Ken, Quim Barreiros and Les Baxter share a billing and give you joy and other pleasures. So dive in and enjoy as we all exclaim ‘what the fuck is going on?!’

01 Les Baxter – Shooting Star

Les likes food! Constantly cooking when he writes Les told us that he made 14 omlettes just thinking about this track! What a good use of eggs!

02 Lars Kristerz – Sweet Child O Mine

Larz-Kristerz is a Swedish dansband founded in Älvdalen, Sweden in 2001, and winner of the 2008 edition of Dansbandskampen. The band is known to prefer Hagström instruments and PA systems. Hem till dig famously stopped U2's No Line On the Horizon from reaching number 1, the only country where the album did not reach this position. This song has been covered many times by Guns and Roses.

03 Devastating Dave – Zip Zap Rap

In the 1980s drugs were invented. And so was rap! Dave single headedly stopped all drugs with this anti-drugs classic.

Fact: The third ‘no’ Dave raps in the intro is actually spelt ‘know’. I think I can speak for us all when I say the mind boggles at the power of music.

04 Ken – I want to live my life for Jesus

Well what can you say about Ken?

05 Menudo - Não Se Reprima

Menudo was a Puerto Rican boy band that was formed in the 1970s by producer Edgardo Ian Díaz. The band was a starting point for stars like Ricky Martin, Pol Pot and Robi Draco Rosa, who were members during their youth.

‘Não Se Reprima’ is a rant about fish stocks in the boys local supermarket.

06 Faye Richmonde - Tony's Got Hot Nuts

One of the first choice cuts from the groundbreaking ‘My Pussy Belongs To Daddy’ album. Faye Richmond here tells the story of a young Tony Knowles and his struggle to earn a crust after his professional snooker career ended.

07 Louvin Brothers - Satan Is Real

Yes he is!

08 Swamp Dogg – That Aint My Wife

During his years as an alcoholic Swamp Dogg confused many things for his wife but it was this one occasion when he found himself locked in a sexy clasp with a bench that drove the sozzled superstar to write this ‘note to self’ ballad.

The cover features Swamps giant pet rat Phil Mitchell. Phil is Swamps wife.

09 Saul T. Peter - I Tried It Everywhere

I can hardly begin to explain how well crafted this second song from the ‘My Pussy Belongs To Daddy’ album is.

10 Red White and the Country Gospel Singers - Jesus Use Me

Red Whites favourite colours were actually red and white! This cover of a the Faith Tones standard gave birth to the oversized 80’s t-shirt boom when a young Michael J Fox was pictured wearing the slogan ‘Jesus Use My Every Hole!”

11 Quim Barreiros - Cuidade Zé

In most of his songs, Quim makes extensive use of double entendre, often with obvious sexual suggestions! One of Quim Barreiros' biggest hits was "A Garagem da Vizinha" (The [Female] Neighbour's Garage), which is a metaphor for the female genitalia, but he is also known for hits such as "Mariazinha", where he asks a woman named Mariazinha to let him smell her "codfish".

12 Miss Dee - Things Are Soft For Grandma

The final track from ‘Pussy’. Miss Dee is actually Pele’s grandson. The song was no. 1 in Brazil for 15 years.

DOWNLOAD

"I like that Katy Perry"

2011-08-19T10:33:00.000-07:00

Boycott: I'm a good fan of pop music. I like that Katy Perry. She's a good singer, singing 'Firework' - that was a good record that. Yeah, I like the pop music.

Blowers: Well I have to bow to your superiority in this field I'm afraid. I'm not as fully conversant with those things as I really should be.

Boycott: Ah she's nice eh?

Blowers: You're probably going on her looks rather than her music.

Boycott: No, no I like her singing as well - she's good!

Blowers: Hahaha and who are your favourites in the pop world at the moment?

Boycott: Ah Katy Perry, definitely. Mmm yeah. She's tops for me. She's just there's something about her voice. Her voice is good, it's clear, it's strong.

Blowers: Well that's... wonderful. I'm sure she'll be very pleased...

Boycott: Haha I don't think I'll ever meet her Henry. Haha she's American.

Blowers: Well you might, you never know. After all Fred Truman's daughter married Raquel Welch's son. So anything is possible isn't it?

50 Worst footballers (to grace the top division)

2011-08-12T05:59:00.000-07:00

The 50 worst footballers to have graced the top division

Originally published in the Times
50 Claus Lundekvam (Southampton)
Saints boss Gordon Strachan paid this glowing tribute to the one-paced Scandinavian in 2003: “He was carried off at Leicester and someone asked me if he was unconscious. I didn’t have a clue. That’s what he’s always like.”

49 Massimo Taibi (Manchester United)
United’s worst keeper ever – in a competitive field featuring Mark Bosnich. The Italian takes the prize for that dive over a shot from Matt Le Tissier, an all-time You Tube favourite. Watch that ludicrous blunder here.

48 Stephane Guiv’arch (Newcastle)
Milburn, Macdonald, Shearer and ... Guiv’arch! The World Cup winner never came close to that pantheon. Come to that, he’s lagging in Tyneside’s Hall of Centre-Forward Fame (they could call it Striker Grove) behind Cunningham, Mirandinha and Ameobi.

47 Jody Morris (Chelsea, Leeds)
Grew up at Chelsea with Dennis Wise as his mentor, and turned into the snidey kid brother everyone hates. Had all of Wise’s sly tendencies and penchant for a scrape, but none of the skill. Perfect acquisition for Leeds in 2003, then.

46 Nigel Quashie (QPR, Forest, Southampton, WBA and more)
Relegated four times with four clubs – and only narrowly avoided No 5 with West Ham last year.

45 Roque Junior (Leeds)
The execrable Brazilian arrived on loan for a few months from AC Milan in 2003, and did as much as anybody to shove Leeds towards destruction.

44 Sergei Rebrov (Tottenham)
Looked good enough playing alongside Andriy Shevchenko for Dynamo Kiev. Sadly, Glenn Hoddle’s £11m signing never looked the same force with Steffen Iversen.

43 David May (Blackburn, Man United)
The guy picked up Premiership winner’s medals with two clubs. But so did Larry Lloyd.

42 Larry Lloyd (Liverpool, Nottingham Forest)
See David May (No 43)

41 Bosko Balaban (Aston Villa)
They said Deadly Doug was tight, but you can hardly blame him after Ellis fished £6m out of his humbug tin for John Gregory to spend, and the manager came back with the elusive Croatian. He never started a Premiership game and scored no goals.

40 Carlton Palmer (Southampton)
“He covers every blade of grass out there,” said Saints manager, Dave Jones. “But that’s only because his first touch is so crap.”

39 Claudio Marangoni (Sunderland)
The striker swapped the rolling pampas of Argentina for Wearside when he signed for a club-record £320,000 at Christmas 1979. One year and three goals later he went back home. Only Geordies were sorry to see him go.

38 Glenn Keeley (Everton)
Arrived on loan from Blackburn keen to show his mettle at the highest level. On debut in 1982, against Liverpool no less, he was sent off in the first-half, The Reds won 5-0 and he never played for Everton again.

37 Marco Materazzi (Everton)
Yes, he won the World Cup with Italy. But the lean centre-half couldn’t tackle a Sayers’ steak and kidney pie during his pointless spell at Goodison.

36 John Jensen (Arsenal)
Empires rose and fell in the time it took the bubble-permed Dane to score his first Arsenal goal. Searing pace, an eye for goal and a fierce shot were just three qualities he didn’t have.

35 Dean Austin (Tottenham)
The wafer-thin defender earned the wrath of the notoriously fickle Spurs support early doors, and never won them round. Even now, he featured strongly in a straw poll of Tottenhamites’ least favourite player ever to wear the white.

34 Ramon Vega (Tottenham)
The big Swiss was Dean Austin, with (cow) bells on.

33 Alberto Tarantini (Birmingham City)
Jim Smith went down the Spurs road and hired himself an Argentinian World Cup winner in the afterglow of 1978, but the Bald Eagle chose this dud left-back. Blues were relegated.

32 Gary Sprake (Leeds)
The Kop serenaded the hapless Welshman with “Careless Hands” when he threw another one into the back of his own net, hardly a unique moment for the accident-prone Inspector Clouseau of international goalkeeping.

31 Charlie Nicholas (Arsenal)
The much-hyped Champagne Charlie didn’t even amount to Pomagne Charlie at Highbury.

30 Darren Ferguson (Manchester United)
Tried to make a name for himself at Old Trafford in the early 90s, but it was already taken.

29 Winston Bogarde (Chelsea)
For all the good this expensive, non-playing flop ever did Chelsea, they might as well have signed foppish character actor, Dirk Bogarde. Or maybe they did and tried to cover it up.

28 Iain Dowie (West Ham)
Headlines that were never written: “It’s Iain Wow-ie!”, and maybe “Dow ya think I’m sexy.” Watch
Dowie's "finest" moment with a classic own goal against Stockport County here.

27 Eric Djemba-Djemba (Man United, Aston Villa)
One Djemba would have been bad enough, but two of them was more than plenty.

26 Frank Sinclair (Leicester City)
Whatever the opposite of a purple patch is, Frank ‘Spencer’ Sinclair had one in August 1999. In two matches in August he scored two risible own goals, single-handedly costing his team three points. That month of mishaps alone earns him a place in the annals of infamy.

25 Steve Marlet (Fulham)
Mr Fayed didn’t rise to the top in business by not knowing the value of a pound. So mystery remains why he was persuaded to give Lyons eleven and a half mill for the misfit striker. Marlet’s ghost will haunt him to the end of his days.

24 Mark Dennis (Birmingham City)
There were rumours in the game that Dennis could actually play, and possessed a decent enough left foot. But the Blues’ anti-footballer was content to amass the game’s blackest rap sheet.

23 Torben Piechnik (Liverpool)
Graeme Souness faces the bad transfer tribunal again for the inexplicable purchase of the dithering Dane. English football was no picnic for Piechnik and he slunk back to Denmark in short order.

22 John Fashanu (Wimbledon)
Fash elbows his way into the list for a legion of crimes and misdemeanours inflicted on association football in the dubious cause of Wimbledon FC, topped by the assault which shattered Saint Gary Mabbutt’s eye socket.

21 Nikola Jovanovic (Manchester United)
Third-worst United centre-half of all time (see nos 5 and 6).

20 Jason Lee (Nottingham Forest)
“He’s got a pineapple on his head,” crooned fans all over the land in homage to the dreadlocked striker, who couldn’t hit a ruminant’s posterior with a stringed musical instrument. Watch a clip of Jason on Baddiel and Skinner's Fantasy Football League here.

19 Marco Boogers (West Ham)
He made his mark on English football, but only on Gary Neville’s midriff as a murderous tackle almost wiped out the United right-back. It was all downhill from there, as Mad Marco fled East London for a caravan park somewhere in the Low Countries.

18 Martin Jol (West Brom)
The Dutchman was away from school the day they taught the sophisticated tenets of Total Football, and the no-nonsense midfielder went on to spread mayhem across the midfields of England.

17 Nicky Summerbee (Manchester City)
The mid-90s City ‘winger’ earns his place on account of his singular running style. Arse stuck out in the fashion of a cartoon Mick Jagger, in Manchester derbies he made the ungainly Phil Neville look like Nijinsky.

16 Chris Kamara (Leeds)
For more than two decades Kammy has sported the perma-frizzed coiff of a 60s soul legend, but it failed to distract from a playing style long on effort, short on elegance.

15 Ade Akinbiyi (Leicester City)
Big Ade’s combined career transfer value would dwarf the national debt of an especially feckless banana republic, but he couldn’t buy a goal at Filbert Street after signing in 2000.

14 Micky Droy (Chelsea)
Nouveau Chelsea fans should know that their swanky club’s DNA contains the traces of lumbering 1970s dinosaurs such as Big Micky.

13 Steve Daley (Manchester City)
The poor bloke suffered from one of Man City’s periodic bouts of madness when they insisted on paying Wolves a record £1.45m for him in 1979, back in the days when £1.45m was £1.45m. He never looked close to matching the valuation.

12 Terry Hurlock (Millwall)
Graced Cold Blow Lane during The Lions’ unlikely late 80s spell in the top flight, and unleashed a short-lived reign of midfield terror. Hurlock, a one-man disciplinary crime wave, remains, unsurprisingly, a cult hero in Millwall-supporting enclaves of south London.

11 Billy Woof (Middlesbrough)
Even three decades down the road Boro fans are still convinced Billy only ever got a game because he was the son-in-law of John Neal, the manager.

10 Vinnie Jones (Wimbledon and more)
Told Kenny Dalglish he intended to bite off his ear and spit in the whole. And they said there were no characters left in the game.

9 Ian Ormondroyd (Aston Villa)
Nature’s prototype for Peter Crouch lived at the same lofty altitudes as his Villa Park successor, but perhaps lacked his touch and speed – so why did he play on the wing?

8 Andrea Silenzi (Nottingham Forest)
The Italian who looked much like a horse turned out to be a load of pony at the City Ground after his multi-billion lira move from Torino in 1995, and pips Justin Fashanu as Forest’s greatest transfer rick ever.

7 Li Wei-Feng (Everton)
Arrived as part of a buy-one-get-one-free deal that brought the not-too-bad Li Tie to Goodison in 2002. The Toffees should have left him on the shelf...

6 William Prunier (Man United)
The baldy Bordeaux triallist starred in a calamitous 4-1 defeat at Spurs on New Year’s Day 1996, and he was bundled back onto a plane to France the next day.

5 Arnold Sidebottom (Man United)
Ryan’s dad also bowled quickly for England, but the centre-half injected no discernible pace to the worst United team since records began.

4 Istvan Kozma (Liverpool)
Yet another Souness master signing – the abject Magyar cost £300,000 from Dunfermline in 1992 and played just three games for the Reds before Souey realised he’d made one more transfer goulash.

3 Gus Caesar (Arsenal)
“... painfully, obviously, out of his depth ... he looked like a rabbit frozen to the spot ... and then he starts to thrash about, horribly and pitifully...” not our words – those of ultra-loyal Arsenalist, Nick Hornby.

2 Tomas Brolin (Leeds, Crystal Palace)
Hard to imagine that Leeds United, normally a model of fiscal probity, paid £4.5m for the Swedish meatball in 1995. A good footballer treats his body like a temple. Brolin’s was a bouncy castle.

1 Ali Dia (Southampton)
Was he George Weah’s cousin? Was he hell! Neither had the impostor won 12 caps for Senegal, nor had he played for Paris St Germain. But it took Saints boss Graeme Souness a whole 52 minutes to suss he’d been had in 1996.

Something to make you happy #2

2011-08-12T02:53:00.000-07:00

Seagull arrested

2011-08-09T10:46:00.000-07:00

Conclusive CCTV footage of a seagull looting a Hackney branch of Greggs has lead to the first conviction from the ongoing riots. Barry Seagull (9) gave a guilty squark as he was taken down. Mr Seagull will serve 30 mins in a small room being chased around by an angry toddler.

Footage from Reuters (Bridport)

"Is this fun?"

2011-08-09T03:36:00.000-07:00

As London descends further into chaos Sky News' Mark Stone crosses the line in The Day Today type journalese by asking rioters, "is this fun?"

Thanks to P Lewis of Bolton on sorting the wheat from the chaff on this one.

Oration station: GREAT political speeches (final) - Part 3

2011-08-09T02:52:00.000-07:00

Geoffrey Howe, 1990

Sir Geoffrey Howe, resignation speech, House of Commons, November 1990.

Sir Geoffrey Howe, deputy prime minister to Margaret Thatcher, resigned on 1 November 1990. His resignation speech on 13 November, a stinging rebuke of Thatcher's European policy, is thought to have been a catalyst to the prime minister's departure nine days later.

Howe drove the knife deep into divisions in the Conservative leadership, portraying Thatcher's attitudes to the European Monetary System as damaging for both country and party.

He is not generally regarded as a great orator -- indeed, Denis Healey once likened Howe's debating style to "being savaged by a dead sheep". Nonetheless, this statement to the Commons has entered the annals of momentous political speeches. It is seen as central to Michael Heseltine's race for leadership, and the vital first step towards reconciling that "tragic conflict of loyalties" which had driven Howe from the cabinet.

"The tragedy is -- and it is for me personally, for my party, for our whole people, and for my Right Honourable Friend herself, a very real tragedy -- that the Prime Minister's perceived attitude towards Europe is running increasingly serious risks for the future of our nation. It risks minimising our influence and maximising our chances of being once again shut out.

I believe that both the Chancellor and the governor are cricketing enthusiasts, so I hope that there is no monopoly of cricketing metaphors. It is rather like sending your opening batsmen to the crease only for them to find, the moment the first balls are bowled, that their bats have been broken before the game by the team captain."

The Labour councillor and blogger Bob Piper says: "This speech, though lacking the oratory of Obama, King or Kennedy, was superbly crafted and hit its target right between the eyes. Two weeks later, she was gone. A joy to behold."

And the blogger Cath Elliott says: "Maybe it's not a great speech as far as speeches go, but it was certainly historic -- an event that a lot of people remember with great fondness."

Robin Cook, 2003

Robin Cook, resignation speech, House of Commons, March 2003.

In March 2003, Robin Cook resigned from the cabinet, saying: "I can't accept collective responsibility for the decision to commit Britain now to military action in Iraq without international agreement or domestic support."

He received an unprecedented standing ovation from fellow MPs on all sides of the House, for what Andrew Marr described as being "without doubt one of the most effective, brilliant resignation speeches in modern British politics". In it, he offered a prescient critique of the case for war, in particular the likely casualties and the assessment of Iraq's military threat.

Cook died of a heart attack two years later. The epitaph on his gravestone reads: "I may not have succeeded in halting the war but I did secure the right of parliament to decide on war."

"Why is it now so urgent that we should take military action to disarm a military capacity that has been there for 20 years, and which we helped to create?
From the start of the present crisis, I have insisted, as Leader of the House, on the right of this place to vote on whether Britain should go to war. It has been a favourite theme of commentators that this House no longer occupies the central role in British politics. Nothing could better demonstrate that they are wrong than for this House to stop the commitment of troops in a war that has neither international agreement nor domestic support."

The blogger Sarah Ruth Webster says: "I remember feeling a mixture of exultation -- that a prominent MP was finally saying what seemed so painfully obvious about the push to war -- and massive despair that these things could only be said on the way out from the cabinet."

The blogger Tom Miller says: "A man had been pushed from the centre of government to its margins, and had to leave a government he had believed in. His speech comprehensively destroyed the arguments for war, for unilateralism, and for violation of international law. The Telegraph called those against the war 'useful idiots'. Now the majority accept that Cook was right."

Oration station: GREAT political speeches (final) - Part 2

2011-08-05T06:06:00.000-07:00

Hugh Gaitskell, 1960

Hugh Gaitskell, speech on nuclear disarmament, Labour party conference, October 1960.

Hugh Gaitskell gave this speech at the 1960 Labour party conference as leader of the opposition. In it, he attempted to prevent the party from calling for unilateral nuclear disarmament, and see off critics within Labour who sought to get rid of him for being too right-wing.

The party was deeply divided over the issue, and in this case, Gaitskell lost the vote against the neutralist, pacifist wing of the party. Although he accepted that the battle was lost, Gaitskell put all his energy into this tour de force, in which he roused his supporters to "fight, and fight, and fight again, to save the party we love". The visible exertion he put into speaking left him sweating profusely.

The speech was met with a mixture of boos and cheers from the crowd. Although he lost the vote this time, the decision was reversed the following year.

Andrew Neil identifies the speech as "one of the great moments of modern British politics". Gaitskell -- a figure who commanded huge respect within the party as well as outside it -- died three years later, leaving the leadership open for Harold Wilson.

"We may lose the vote today, and the result may deal this party a grave blow. It may not be possible to prevent this, but there are some of us, I think many of us, who will not accept that this blow need be mortal: who will not believe that such an end is inevitable. There are some of us, Mr Chairman, who will fight, and fight, and fight again, to save the party we love. We will fight, and fight, and fight again, to bring back sanity and honesty and dignity, so that our party -- with its great past -- may retain its glory and its greatness."

Vernon Bogdanor chose this as his favourite speech: "Gaitskell lost the vote but won the argument, impressing himself on the country as a leader of courage and honesty. He would have become prime minister in 1964, probably with a majority larger than Harold Wilson's, but for his untimely death in January 1963.
"Gaitskell was a revisionist and a precursor of New Labour. He sought a party in thrall neither to ancient doctrines of public ownership nor to modern doctrines of unregulated markets."

Margaret Thatcher, 1984

Margaret Thatcher, Brighton bomb speech, Conservative party conference, October 1984.

Margaret Thatcher was actually awake, working on her speech to conference the following day, when an IRA bomb went off at the Grand Hotel in Brighton at 2.54am on 12 October 1984. The intention was to assassinate the prime minister and her government as they gathered for their party conference. Five people died, included the Conservative MP Sir Anthony Berry; 34 others were injured.

Thatcher and her husband, Denis, escaped unhurt. Living up to her "Iron Lady" reputation, she gave an impromptu interview to the BBC at around 4am, as she was escorted from the building, in which she insisted that the conference would go ahead as usual. Marks & Spencer was persuaded to open early to allow those who had lost their clothes in the blast to get new ones, and the conference went ahead at 9.30am as scheduled.

She rewrote her speech and delivered an impassioned and heavily revised version on 12 October, the day before her 59th birthday. Her defiant delivery received a rapturous reception in the conference hall, and a poll that month found her personal approval rating up from 40 per cent to 50 per cent. The Tory lead over Labour grew from 1 per cent to 12 per cent.

Her defiant message was thus:

"The fact that we are gathered here, now -- shocked but composed and determined -- is a sign not only that this attack has failed but that all attempts to destroy democracy will fail."

Neil Kinnock, 1985

Neil Kinnock, Militant speech, Labour party conference, October 1985.

In the early 1980s, the Militant movement's influence on the Labour Party was at its peak. Believing its influence to be growing and thus damaging Labour's attempts to oust Margaret Thatcher, Neil Kinnock launched a stinging attack on fellow party members at this conference.

Without actually referring to the Militant movement by name, Kinnock attacked the far left, and principally Liverpool City Council, for causing "grotesque chaos". He went on to emphasise that this was "a Labour council -- a Labour council".

His successor John Smith called it "one of the most superb political performances I've ever seen". Kinnock had already made a reputation as an orator before becoming Labour leader with his "I warn you" speech on the eve of the 1983 election.

"I'll tell you what happens with impossible promises. You start with far-fetched resolutions. They are then pickled into a rigid dogma, a code, and you go through the years sticking to that, outdated, misplaced, irrelevant to the real needs, and you end in the grotesque chaos of a Labour council -- a Labour council -- hiring taxis to scuttle round a city handing out redundancy notices to its own workers . . .
I am telling you, no matter how entertaining, how fulfilling to short-term egos -- you can't play politics with people's jobs and with people's services or with their homes."

Anthony Howard says of the speech: "He was presenting himself as a figure willing to sacrifice his popularity among his party's left wing in favour of the national interest. Although Labour lost the next election, Kinnock's speech altered the lay of the land in British politics; David Owen later told me that he knew the SDP was done for after watching this speech."

Peter Jay says: "The speech profoundly influenced perceptions of Kinnock by those outside the political bubble, making a much wider audience aware that he had the courage and determination to stand up to the loony left, whereas so many Labour leaders had been beholden to it."

Oration station: GREAT political speeches (final) - Part 1

2011-08-05T04:03:00.000-07:00

Aneurin Bevan, 1956

Aneurin Bevan, anti-Suez speech, Trafalgar Square rally, November 1956.

On 4 November 1956 Aneurin "Nye" Bevan delivered an impassioned speech at a Labour-organised rally in Trafalgar Square condemning the Tory government's decision to take military action against Egypt during the Suez crisis.

Bevan was famously a versatile, charismatic and rousing public speaker, traits that were on display at this rally, and in a similar speech to the House of Commons a month later. John Selwyn-Lloyd, foreign secretary at the time, described the latter as the greatest ever Commons performance, even though "it was at my expense".

The rally was attended by 30,000 or more people, in the biggest national demonstration since before the Second World War. Eyewitnesses recall chants of "One, two, three, four! We won't fight in Eden's war!" The protest tapped into popular discontent with the war, but in its sheer scale, it has been credited with waking thousands from apathy over the invasion.

Bevan challenged government aggression, accusing the Tories of "a policy of bankruptcy and despair" that would "lead back to chaos, back to anarchy and back to universal destruction". His criticism of the reasoning behind the war is reminiscent of events surrounding the Iraq war nearly five decades later.

"We are stronger than Egypt but there are other countries stronger than us. Are we prepared to accept for ourselves the logic we are applying to Egypt? If nations more powerful than ourselves accept the absence of principle, the anarchistic attitude of Eden and launch bombs on London, what answer have we got, what complaint have we got? If we are going to appeal to force, if force is to be the arbiter to which we appeal, it would at least make common sense to try to make sure beforehand that we have got it, even if you accept that abysmal logic, that decadent point of view.
We are in fact in the position today of having appealed to force in the case of a small nation, where if it is appealed to against us it will result in the destruction of Great Britain, not only as a nation, but as an island containing living men and women. Therefore I say to Anthony, I say to the British government, there is no count at all upon which they can be defended.
They have besmirched the name of Britain. They have made us ashamed of the things of which formerly we were proud. They have offended against every principle of decency and there is only way in which they can even begin to restore their tarnished reputation and that is to get out! Get out! Get out!"

Enoch Powell, 1959

Enoch Powell, speech on the Hola Camp in Kenya, House of Commons, July 1959.

Enoch Powell might be an unexpected inclusion in the list, but this address to the House of Commons was nearly a decade before the "Rivers of Blood" speech. He stood before the House of Commons in July 1959 to denounce the killing of 11 rebels by security guards at the Hola detention camp in Kenya. Criticising the British government's lack of action, Powell said that we cannot say "because he was such-and-such, therefore the consequences which would otherwise flow from his death shall not flow".

Sharpening the British political mind on Africa, Powell was a lone voice that refused to lay the blame solely on the camp commander who ordered the attack, underlining the responsibility of their immediate superiors and the Colonial Service. Although the sentiments expressed in this speech, where he looked towards the end of colonial rule, were at odds with the controversial views he later expressed, this speech remains the strongest statement of principle about Britain's relationship with Africa ever made in the House of Commons.

"It has been said -- and it is a fact -- that these 11 men were the lowest of the low; subhuman was the word which one of my honorable Friends used. So be it. But that cannot be relevant to the acceptance of responsibility for their death . . . In general, I would say that it is a fearful doctrine, which must recoil upon the heads of those who pronounce it, to stand in judgement on a fellow human being and to say, "Because he was such-and-such, therefore the consequences which would otherwise flow from his death shall not flow."
Nor can we ourselves pick and choose where and in what parts of the world we shall use this or that kind of standard. We cannot say, "We will have African standards in Africa, Asian standards in Asia and perhaps British standards here at home." We have not that choice to make. We must be consistent with ourselves everywhere."

Peter Wilby chose this as his favourite political speech: "I choose it because, first, no less a judge than Denis Healey called it "the greatest parliamentary speech I ever heard", with "all the moral passion and rhetorical force of Demosthenes", and second, because Powell's words are so apposite to the recent controversies over Guantanamo, torture, extraordinary rendition, etc."

Harold Macmillan, 1960

Harold Macmillan, speech to the South African parliament, Cape Town, February 1960.

Harold Macmillan's address to the South African parliament on 3 February 1960 was epoch-making. In it, he acknowledged the burgeoning strength of African nationalism and made it clear that independence would be granted to many African nations.

It also made explicit the British government's rejection of apartheid, a shift from previous policy and the first time a senior international figure had criticised South Africa's strict racial segregation. The Conservative prime minister described African national consciousness as a "wind of change blowing through this continent".
This was in fact the second time that Macmillan had given this speech (he gave the same address in Ghana a month earlier), but it was the first time that it received press attention, partly because of the controversy it provoked. At home, right-wing Conservatives, who wanted to retain the empire, were enraged. And Macmillan's South African counterpart, Hendrik Verwoerd, was no more impressed. He responded: "To do justice to all does not only mean being just to the black man of Africa, but also to be just to the white man of Africa."

But Macmillan's vision of Africa prevailed:

"Today the same thing is happening in Africa, and the most striking of all the impressions I have formed since I left London a month ago is of the strength of this African national consciousness.
In different places it takes different forms, but it is happening everywhere. The wind of change is blowing through this continent and whether we like it or not, this growth of national consciousness is a political fact. We must all accept it as a fact, and our national policies must take account of it."

originally published in the New Statesman

Mansell, poet

2011-08-03T06:03:00.000-07:00

"Town Hall smells musty today. Yellowing papers in grimy cabinets. Drawings never built. Sandstone darkened by coal smoke. Edwardian textile magnates secure a kind of immortality by donation. Public meetings called to order and music hall stars perform to packed houses. The ghost of Lord Leverhulme."

M Mansell (c. Today)

News Fist! 'Sexy farce' - the 80's

2011-08-02T03:05:00.001-07:00

Explain this to an American #7

2011-08-02T03:03:00.001-07:00

After a miscommunication leads to Foggy getting split up from Compo and Clegg, while out walking, he comes up with an idea - portable radios.

UX: Victoria Arches (Cathedral Steps), Manchester

2011-08-01T11:49:00.000-07:00

The Victoria Arches were a series of arches built in the embankment of the River Irwell in Manchester. They served as business premises, landing stages for Steam packet riverboats, and also as World War II air-raid shelters. They were accessed from wooden staircases which descended from Victoria Street.

Regular flooding of the river resulted in the closure of the steam-packet services in the early 20th century, and the arches were used for general storage. In World War II the arches were converted for use as air raid shelters. The arches are now bricked up and inaccessible; the staircases were removed in the latter part of the 20th century.

World War II

During World War II the stages and tunnels surrounding them were converted into air-raid shelters. The conversion, which included additional brick blast walls, took three months at a cost of £10,150 and provided shelter for 1,619 people. The cobbled surfaces shown in some of the pictures on the Manchester City Council website show the same network of tunnels before their conversion to air raid shelters. The land covered by the arches included a street, which led at the west end to a wooden bridge over the River Irk. The old road was covered over in an improvement scheme, which began in 1833.

The steps and landing stages have remained closed to the public for many years. In 1935 less elaborate steps were in place,some of which remained until 1971.In photographs taken in 1972, the arches are barred, and some are covered with metal grilles. As of 2009, none of the steps remain, and the original Victorian railings along the embankment have been replaced with a stone wall and new railings.

"I haven't got any scripts Mike!"

2011-07-31T05:33:00.000-07:00

The Denton flyer

2011-07-30T05:13:00.001-07:00

East Riding of Yorkshire Council News Release #5

2011-07-25T10:33:00.000-07:00

Something to make you happy #1

2011-07-24T06:10:00.000-07:00

Tower of Belm

2011-07-22T05:28:00.000-07:00

Mens Pop White Storm Watch

2011-07-22T04:32:00.000-07:00

http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=330591109342#ht_512wt_1078

UX: Manchester Mayfield Street Station, Manchester

2011-07-22T04:14:00.000-07:00

Earmarked for demolition last year which has now been postponed due to the Tory cuts. Someone should surely see sense to referb and reopen it. Piccadilly has been running at capacity for the last few years, Mayfield would be a wonderful (and much needed) overflow terminus. As it stands, it's one of the great ghosts of Manchester.

The London and North Western Railway’s (LNWR) busiest station in Manchester was London Road station. By the first decade of the 20th century it had become so busy that it could hardly cope with the levels of traffic being carried on the LNWR network. In particular the LNWR had great difficulty accommodating both main line long distance trains with local suburban services.

The answer was to build a new station to the south of Manchester London Road. This new station opened as Manchester Mayfield Station opened on the 8th August 1910. In effect it was really an overspill station for Manchester London Road (renamed Manchester Piccadilly in 1960).

The station was situated above street level the lines leading into it coming off a brick
built viaduct. It was built out of red brick and had an imposing two storey frontage building that provided access from street level. Three platforms were provided which gave five platform faces, two of the platforms being island platforms. On the north site of the station a ramp led up from street level which allowed vehicular access to the platforms. An overall roof supported on iron columns was provided which covered all of the platforms. A footbridge connected

Manchester Mayfield station to Manchester London road to facilitate passengers who needed to change trains. Train services from the station operated to various destinations on the Buxton, Crewe and Macclesfield lines.

Mayfield Station became part of the London Midland Scottish Railway (LMS) in 1923 and that companies 18th July 1932 to the 11th September 1932 Summer timetable shows thirteen weekday departures from the station which called at all stations to Stockport. The weekday services ran mostly in the morning and evening rush hour. The situation seems to have altered on Saturday’s as more Stockport services appear to have operated from Mayfield throughout the daytime period. It is possible that this would have been because there would have been numerous holiday specials running from Manchester London Road on Saturday’s. The same 1932 timetable also shows a number of long distance arrival’s used Mayfield Station.

For many years the station served Manchester’s commuters well but following electrification of many of the local lines in 1960 the station closed on 23rd August of that year. It lay derelict for nearly a decade but eventually it was converted into a parcel’s depot opening on 6th July 1970.

The parcels depot closed in the late 1980s and since then the station has stood idle.

The derelict interior was used in the Television Drama Prime Suspect 5 as a drug dealers haunt. As Manchester Piccadilly Station (formerly London Road) is once again running out of capacity there has been a proposal to reopen Mayfield Station. It will either be as terminus, as it was before, or lines will be extended through the station and join up with the existing line to Oxford Road.

Van de glijbaan op Utrecht Overvecht

2011-07-21T11:11:00.000-07:00

Brilliant. Sometimes an idea falls out of my mind and into the real world. I have no idea how this happens but it always raises a smile. Here's one such example. I've not smiled this much since I saw a man holding sign which read, 'Needs Bigger Fish'.

READ/INFORM

NOW there's no excuse to miss the train at the Overvecht Station in Holland.
The newly installed "transfer accelerator" allows commuters to quickly descend the station stairs and access platforms.

At night the slide is said to play music from Bach.

Like I said, brilliant. Oh, and there's videos! Of course there's videos!!!

Explain this to an American #6

2011-07-21T11:02:00.001-07:00

Foggy persuades Compo to buy a new pair of trousers, and Clegg to buy a Metal Detector.

I hate art

2011-07-21T11:00:00.000-07:00

THE TRUTH

2011-07-18T13:28:00.000-07:00

WORST SEX STORIES #3
Look at yourself in the mirror. Think about what you did. Where is she now? Not with you, that's for sure.

Manhattanhenge

2011-07-14T09:44:00.000-07:00

Manhattanhenge – sometimes referred to as the Manhattan Solstice – is a semiannual occurrence in which the setting sun aligns with the east–west streets of the main street grid in the borough of Manhattan in New York City. The term is derived from Stonehenge, at which the sun aligns with the stones on the solstices. It was popularized in 2002 by Neil deGrasse Tyson, an astrophysicist at the American Museum of Natural History. It applies to those streets that follow the Commissioners' Plan of 1811, which are laid out in a grid offset 29.0 degrees from true east–west. (The 29.0 degrees should be added to true east and west, making the western bearing approximately 299.0 degrees.) During Manhattanhenge, an observer on one of the gridded east-west streets will see the sun setting over New Jersey directly opposite from the street, along its centerline.

The dates of Manhattanhenge are usually around May 28 and July 12 or July 13 – spaced evenly around summer solstice. In 2011, Manhattanhenge occurred on May 31 at 8:17 p.m., and on July 12 (full sun) and 13 (half sun), both at 8:25 p.m.

The two corresponding mornings of sunrise right on the center lines of the Manhattan grid are approximately December 5 and January 8 – spaced evenly around winter solstice. As with the solstices and equinoxes, the dates vary somewhat from year to year.

The same phenomenon occurs in other cities with a uniform street grid. In Chicago, Illinois, for instance, the setting sun lines up with the grid system on September 25, a phenomenon known similarly as Chicagohenge.In Toronto, Ontario, Canada, the setting sun lines up with the east–west streets on October 25 and February 16, a phenomenon known locally as Torontohenge. In Montreal, Quebec, Canada, there may be a Montrealhenge each year on July 12.

East Riding of Yorkshire Council News Release #4

2011-07-14T09:37:00.000-07:00

Cheats for 'Foo Fighters Album Reaction' game (Mega Drive only)

2011-07-12T04:49:00.000-07:00

Foo Fighters - press up and C twice (High 5 and slight ball tickling)
The Colour and the Shape - Up, down, up, down, left, left, right, A, B then left (Joyful smug face with hint of disappointment at later track or two. Possible blow job inference)
There is nothing left to lose - Press start rapidly while crossing your eyes (Wank over lead single, faux headbutt at Taylor Hawkins)
One by One - Press control pad into gooch, press C then move vigorously between balls and arsehole whilst dancing like Oiliver Reed on Aspul and Co (Find Dave Grohls mum and tell her he "Needs to make changes")

In Your Honour - Up, Down, Left, Right, B, C and then shout "The 70's" (Do a dance to the lead singles whilst stabbing Norah Jones)
Echoes, Silence, Patience & Grace - Smash B into orbit (Don eyeliner and then take it off)
Wasting Light - put down pad and fist yourself (make tearful goodbye to Grohl and the boys and 'get into' Frampton Come Alive)

Nobody can cross it

2011-07-12T03:46:00.000-07:00

++== THE FILM

2011-07-11T07:32:00.000-07:00

In its entirety. Some clips are links as blogger.com won't allow links of copyrighted material.

PART 2: http://youtu.be/xXL1R6CaIy4

PART 19: http://youtu.be/At3sjl89uUw

PART 20: http://youtu.be/kjl3bdbGFxQ

East Riding of Yorkshire Council News Release #3

2011-07-06T05:22:00.000-07:00

Brown Justice

2011-07-04T07:05:00.001-07:00

WORST SEX STORIES #2
I was fifteen. My first boyfriend had talked me into giving him a blowjob, his and my first one. After some hesitation, I began and everything seemed to be going as he described it would be. Half way through, I noticed my chest felt really warm and wet. I looked down and to my horror, there was an indescribable amount of diarrhea covering my white shirt. To this day, I'm not sure what happened. Of course the real fun part was when I had to left my t-shirt over my head to get it off. - Kelly, Bognor

SDWS#1: Eccles and Manchester 300611

2011-06-30T07:11:00.000-07:00

Sentinel House, Eccles

Eccles Railway Station

Stephensons Square, Mcr

Walk of faith

Our Frank

Treat her like a Princess

2011-06-29T09:11:00.000-07:00

WORST SEX STORIES 1
I met some guy at a party, and ended up going to his house... Mid-thrust, he started laughing manically and yelled "I am fucking an alien princess! I am fucking an alien princess!" I, far too sober, immediately stopped, and then had to listen to him say, with wide eyes: "your vagina looks like the fridge scene in Ghostbusters." I fell asleep and woke up in the morning to him eating a whole key lime pie in bed. Not even looking over at me, he said: "you can't have any." I walked home. - Janet, Frodsham

Rod Stewarts Penis

2011-06-28T02:12:00.001-07:00

East Riding of Yorkshire Council News Release #2

2011-06-28T02:06:00.000-07:00

Explain this to an American #5

2011-06-27T04:27:00.000-07:00

Seymour decides to revive the idea of buying Ice Cream from a man on a bike.

Lateral

2011-06-27T04:24:00.000-07:00

RIP Klub Kiss (as in tear)

2011-06-27T03:53:00.000-07:00

Extracts from 'Chelm'

2011-06-21T12:57:00.000-07:00

* still banned in 15 countries

East Riding of Yorkshire Council News Release #1

2011-06-21T11:36:00.000-07:00

Early morning first floor urination

2011-06-20T17:00:00.001-07:00

Martin Keown

2011-06-20T11:53:00.000-07:00

.....it gets dark

2011-06-17T04:36:00.001-07:00

Explain this to an American #4

2011-06-17T04:34:00.001-07:00

After being thrown out of the library by Mr. Wainwright, the trio go to the café to find Sid is in trouble with Ivy for not fixing the slates on the roof. Foggy takes charge, attaching a rope to Compo and the other end to Sid's van to pull Compo up. Sid, however, loses control of the van, leaving Compo hanging from the roof.

Class of '97

2011-06-16T04:39:00.000-07:00

My GIF to you

2011-06-15T01:57:00.000-07:00

Merry Christmas x

TourettesGAH

2011-06-14T02:45:00.001-07:00

Explain this to an American #3

2011-06-12T08:02:00.000-07:00

Foggy collects his flag, and achieves his dream...for a little while.

Mums gone to Sweden

2011-06-10T01:59:00.000-07:00

"Massive tits, scally accent, low self esteem and cock hungry - all the things I look for in a woman - she's my ideal girlfriend. I'm sure my parents would love her too."

Chris Moyles

2011-06-10T01:28:00.000-07:00

Christopher David "Chris" Moyles (born 22 February 1974) is a DJ and author.

Moyles was voted one of the Faces for 97 by SKY magazine.

Moyles has been joined on the air from 1998, by his sidekick David "Comedy Dave" Vitty.

Moyles uses team members (they are not actually co-hosts) and audience participation in games and quizzes as other sources of comedy. He is renowned for his sharp manner, quick temper and put-downs.

Parody songs

In October 2004, Moyles and the The Chris Moyles Show team replaced U2's "Vertigo" at number one in the UK Official Download Chart with their download-only charity song "Dogz Don't Kill People (Wabbitz Do)", under the name 'Mouldie Lookin' Stain'. The song was a spoof of Goldie Lookin' Chain's "Guns Don't Kill People Rappers Do" (itself a spoof rap song).

In December 2000, he parodied the Eminem song "Stan" that was No.1 in the charts at the time, with a seasonal Christmas themed variation called "Stanta", instead.

Often Moyles will pick a track because of the silliness of its lyrics, for instance "Smile" by Lily Allen was parodied by Moyles's invention "Silly Allen", in a song called "Piles" and Natasha Bedingfield's "I Wanna Have Your Babies" written by Comedy Dave and performed in May 2007. In the same month, he performed a parody of Hellogoodbye's hit "Here (In Your Arms)" called "Beer In My Arms" in which he describes how much he really dislikes the song, calling it 'daft'. Moyles also covered Puretone "Addicted to Bass" with "Addicted to Plaice", which covers the subject of being addicted to fish.

Another two of Moyles' recent parodies are "Lorry Driver" which is a cover of Britney Spears' song "Womanizer" and "The Boy Does Plenty" by "Adrian Dixon", originally a song by Alesha Dixon, both of which are written by 'Comedy Dave' Vitty.

Television presenter

Moyles has branched out his work into television. In 2002, his own Five show, Live With Chris Moyles, ran five shows a week for 13 weeks. Chris was replaced by Christian O'Connell, before the programme was shelved altogether.

He and sidekick Dave Vitty (more commonly known as Comedy Dave) had their own TV show, also entitled The Chris Moyles Show like their current Radio 1 show, which was aired from 1998–99 on the now-defunct UK satellite and cable channel UK Play.

Moyles played himself in an episode of the drama Hotel Babylon which aired on 15 February 2007 and appeared on a celebrity version of Dale's Supermarket Sweep that broadcast on the same day.

Autobiography

Moyles' autobiography, The Gospel according to Chris Moyles: The Story of One Man and His Mouth was released by Ebury Press on 5 October 2006.

On 4 October 2007 a follow-up book Chris Moyles: The Difficult Second Book, published by Ebury Press, was officially released. The Difficult Second Book filled in the year gap since the release of his first Autobiography containing stories (or vignettes) about a pie shop in Filey, buying some chips in Arnside and an opinion piece about prostituion. Chris would later write a song about the word vignette called 'Vinegarette'.

Miscellaneous

In 2007 the rugby league team Featherstone Rovers named their ground after him. Traditionally known as Post Office Road, it was renamed via a sponsorship deal as the Chris Moyles Stadium.

Controversies

Moyles has come into conflict with the Broadcasting Standards Commission and Ofcom. These have occurred during his time at both Capital FM and Radio 1. For example, these regulatory bodies upheld complaints when Moyles threatened Dr Fox in October 2002 with the claim that "I'm gonna tear his head off and poo down his neck";and also in early 2002, when he said "he would take the virginity of Charlotte Church", when she reached sixteen.

When first arrived at Radio 1, John Peel took a dislike to Moyles and accused him of being a "DLT-in-waiting". Moyles retorted that Peel was a "Kenny Everett-in-waiting, because Kenny Everett’s dead and it’s only a matter of time before John pops his clogs". Following this outbusrt Chris gave £4,209 to charities.

Accusations of sexism

In February 2006, Moyles apologised, along with the BBC, after swearing when speaking to a caller live on air. He made the outburst while teasing a mother-of-three from Newcastle during an on-air feature which her children had interrupted. "You've got three kids from some fuckin'..." he blurted out, before apologising profusely for his mistake.

The BBC issued sixteen apologies (three in Welsh), adding that such mistakes could occur during live broadcasts such as Moyles' show. The BBC was later cleared by broadcasting regulator Ofcom over the incident.

Pay controversies

Alongside a number of other Radio 1 and Radio 2 DJs, Moyles crossed a strike picketline in 2005. BBC staff were striking over recently announced job cuts.A report by the BBC Trust on 2 June 2008 revealed that Moyles was paid £630,000 in 2007.

Accusations of homophobia

Moyles was accused of homophobia in May 2006, when he rejected a ringtone by saying "I don't want that one, it's gay", live on air. This led to a number of complaints to the BBC. They argued that the use of the word gay in this context was homophobic. The BBC governors said that Moyles was simply keeping up with developments in English usage.

Developments in English

Moyles frequently keeps up with developments in English useage sometimes trying to aid development of it himself. Since 1998 he's been using the word 'comedy', if used in conjunction with a mans name, to mean pan-faced. If used with a womans name it means BITCH.

N-Dubz controversy

On 12 January 2010, hip-hop trio N-Dubz appeared on the Chris Moyles Show on BBC Radio 1. The show received a text message from a female listener saying that band member Dappy was "vile" and "a little boy with a silly hat" and that N-Dubz were "losers". Dappy secretly copied her phone number from the studio console and sent abusive and threatening text messages to the woman the following day including telling her she was "gonna die!".

Moyles said of the resulting criticism: "I feel let down by him, I've supported them and said, 'Do you know what, N-Dubz aren't just a bunch of dippy chavs, they're really good.' So for him to go and do something like that is a bit rubbish."

Staff Meeting

2011-06-07T09:48:00.000-07:00

Norvelle-riche

2011-06-07T02:04:00.000-07:00

Explain this to an American #2

2011-06-05T11:00:00.000-07:00

Foggy decides to start his Christmas shopping early, but is surprised that the shops aren't selling Christmas cards in the summer. He then takes up an offer of buying some Christmas trees.

A massive influence on Trafford

2011-06-05T10:39:00.000-07:00

Before the pan

2011-06-05T05:54:00.000-07:00

A Yorkshireman

Gemma, idyllic

Dangerous fun

Nature and size

Captured, captured, captured

Beware the bay

Silverdale basks

A happy man

3 spacks in a bag

Dusk

Time in physical form

A rave in a cave

Barry Cryer enjoys a cigarette

A not so brief encounter

Anon

When Buses Attack

2011-06-03T03:53:00.001-07:00

Wise Owl heavyweight DJ

2011-06-03T02:41:00.000-07:00

http://www.patobanton.com/

TV Pitch #14

2011-06-02T16:55:00.000-07:00

TVP#14

Synopsis
Cool guy, not cool guy and slag live in flat (London, not Camden though). Cool guy suffers from extreme anxiety and can't leave that flat. LOL's revolve around his ever increasing madness, not cool guys uncoolness and slags promiscuity. Actor playing cool guy should leave after second series to fail to crack Hollywood.

Saftey in knowledge

2011-06-02T16:42:00.000-07:00

After years of shooting glances at knives and mistrusting forks I find to my horror that the humble spoon is not to be fucked with.

IS NOTHING SACRED!?
IS NOTHING SCARED!?
IS NOTHING SARCED!?

How does it make you feel?

2011-05-30T03:31:00.000-07:00

=

2011-05-29T05:42:00.001-07:00

Explain this to an American #1

2011-05-29T05:30:00.001-07:00

At the library, Blamire and Clegg turn Compo upside down to rid him of evil spirits and are thrown out by Mr. Wainright. Compo realizes he has lost his key and, upon discovering the library is closed, the trio try to find Mr Wainwright. They find he has gone to a formal dinner dance, so Sid sneaks them into the back room where a game of cards ensues and Compo realises he can climb into his house through the back window.